Self Forgiveness: You need only ask
Self forgiveness often feels out of reach. We are entirely too hard on ourselves. Or we take ourselves way too seriously! Still, one of the biggest challenges in my life is Self Blame. I know I am not alone.
We feel like we deserve blame and shame, yet we feel like we don’t deserve it in the same breath. Many of us go through life playing this blame game: “Is it me? Is it them?” In a way, that is how the story of blame stays so strong, by discombobulating us. In a confused vacillating state of defense and admonishment, we are more vulnerable and subservient to the wiles of shame and guilt. Continue Reading…
How do I forgive?
Many people ask me about forgiveness. They read that they just have to make a choice to let go, they think that they just decide to do one day and the weight is lifted. They try this, they intend to let go, and they feel peace. But then later that day, the next day, or the next week, it comes back. Why? They wonder, I let it go. I must have not gotten it right. Or, It doesn’t work for me. Or, something is wrong with me, this proves it. The problem is me.
Many people ask me how to forgive. I tell them that forgiveness is a choice. You don’t have to know how to do anything, you just decide that you are going to do it. You let go of judgments and then it just happens on its own with no more effort on your part. Continue Reading…
We all need to forgive ourselves. This is often the first step in healing. Guild is a major obstacle and can keep us from having joy in our lives. Please listen and give yourself this gift.
Read these posts if you are interested:
You are allowed to feel
How important is self worth in healing?
What does guilt have to do with it?
Globs of Self judgment
Every morning I have been sitting with a candle for ten minutes. (Come join me on Facebook, where I share my daily reflections.)
Our spiritual community encourages us to do this during advent, to open our heart to what might come. Fr. Jim encourages us to do three practices during advent: prayer, patience, and kindness. When we change one thing, so much can happen. If we focus on prayer, patience, and kindness, anything can happen!
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- Parenting children with anxiety
- Anxiety and children
- Anxiety after a natural or violent disaster
- Fear of flying
- History of violence and trauma
Children and Family
- Child or teen depression and /or anxiety
- Divorce transition
- Support through or after crisis
- Family conflict
- Teens and texting
- Teens and entitlement
- School avoidance
- Allowing kids to fail
- Teaching kids how to get through hard times
- Adoption (counseling during and “how to tell your child”)
- Parenting through divorce
- Recovering from childhood sexual abuse
- Rape in college
- Teens dating an abusive partner
- Date rape
- Ending a relationship with an abusive person
- Healing from sexual abuse
- Anorexia, Bulimia, Overeating
- Eating healthy for your mind and emotions
- Marital conflicts
- Social media and relationships (i.e. Facebook affairs)
- Gender inequalities
- Radical forgiveness
- Ending a relationship
- Victim of Violent Crime
- Losing a child
- Accidental death
- Making sense of hardship, death, illness
- Culturally supported emotions
- Self-doubt, guilt
- Suicide and soldiers
- Any soldier mental health issue or related family issues
- Bereavement and survivor guilt
- Sexual assault in the military
Shift in the world’s consciousness
- Business ethics and greater good
- Greening up your business or your family
- Consumerism and its effects
- Navigating the mental health system
- Alternative therapies for chronic or fatal diseases
- The benefits of therapy/the art of therapy
- How to choose a therapist
1. Make time for yourself to lie down and connect with the earth.
Whether I can be outside or not, lying down supine on the earth is my favorite position to forgive. To let everything go, I just imagine it falling into the earth. If I feel something stuck in my gut or heart, I breathe into it, until I can imagine it letting go also. I don’t try to make meaning out of it, or figure it out, or berate myself. I don’t get into any blame games in my head.
For the moment, I practice suspending the story. I say “practice” because it doesn’t have to be perfect and I am always far from perfect with it. I tend to be gentle with myself. The more I am struggling to get out of my head, the more gentler I become.
I imagine it loosening up and melting into the earth. I feel weightless and let myself fall into the earth, too. Usually, I imagine the earth cleansing me. Continue Reading…
When someone you love is in pain, you look for ways to be helpful.
When we love someone so much, it seems harder to see them hurting than to feel hurt ourselves. I find this especially true with my children. I’d gladly take their pain away even if it means I’d feel it stronger. In a way, I am feeling it because I love them but I don’t stay here because besides it doesn’t help them much.
Pain is Love