Guilt.
It plagues us all. It makes us feel embarrassed, humiliated, undeserving, unworthy and small. Guilt feels worse than awful which immobilizes us so we get stuck in this miserable place.
We all make mistakes and bad choices sometimes. Mostly it is accidental and unintentional. Or the lesser of two evils. This does not make you a bad person. Not in the least. It means you are human.
Guilt, if not used to restore, and then let go, can only contaminate.
There are people who feel much more guilt that they deserve. They haven’t done anything wrong to warrant this. Yet, they feel it in the most painfully anyway. Then they punish themselves constantly. Either by staying miserable because they don’t deserve to heal. (My guest post at Wounded Warrior) Or by literally punishing their body. Or by staying closed off in relationships, etc.
What is guilt and why do we have it?
Guilt is a human emotion that helps us evaluate our actions. If life were simple, guilt would arise only when we do something against our morals- for example something dishonest or that hurt another person. We’d feel guilt, and this would help us make a decision. To restore what we had done, and/or to do it differently the next time. Once the decision is made, the guilt has done its job and can go. Yes, you heard that right. It can go. It is no longer needed. Guilt’s job is to prompt us to act.
That is all.
But in today’s day and age, for some reason we allow guilt to stay. We invite it to live with us and it hangs over us like a heavy, scratchy blanket of pain and suffering. Even though we took action 50 million times, and convinced ourselves it is forgiveable. It is not enough, we still hold the guilt like its our top priority. As if we were bad if we didn’t. And, man, does it block us from so much!
The Sprititus Christi prison outreach, that houses men and women when they are released from prison greets their new guests by saying, “Follow this new way, or we will gladly refund your misery.” (The new way being knowing you are worthy and good.)
It is hard to see our own light if guilt is in our way. It is hard to find joy, when you are blind to it. We have to let the guilt go. We really don’t need it. (Really don’t.)
Guilt has us judging ourselves and judging other people too. We have to let ourselves be where we are and let others be where they are. We have to let the judgments go.
We’ve all done things that are forgiveable. It is time to forgive ourselves and move on to more joy. It is time to take off that blanket, walk on in life lighter and freer. It is time.
I’m ready. Who is with me?
People who have been abused or raped are plagued by guilt and shame, even though they have done nothing wrong. We are going to help them walk free of this during the retreat. We’d love to have you, and you deserve it! Reclaiming Your Soul Retreat. Healing From Sexual Abuse and Seuxal Assault.
We do have to let judgment go. I can be very judgmental of myself. But we’re all human. We make mistakes. It’s learning from them that matters.
Kelly Hashway recently posted..Monday Mishmash 3/4/13
Thanks, Kelly, yes, it is for learning which is why we do it. xoJ
Jodi, it’s so fitting and funny that I should read this today, when I’m beating myself up for telling my daughter she could go without her warm coat in what I then learned (after sending her off to her bus) was a 22 real-feel degree day. Really having a hard time letting go of the guilt, magnifying it for some reason. The fact is, she’s a healthy kid who will survive a few hours of cold. The fact is, I am not a bad mom, just one who accidently looked at tomorrow’s forcast instead of today’s. Really truly. Letting go of self-flagulating guilt. Feels good, Jodi. Thank you!
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And you know that she will survive. I do that all the time. Leaving the house in such a crazy state that I forget to remind my daughter to get a hat. I think, though, she ought to know by now!
It took me a long time to learn that guilt–the feeling of guilt when we actually do something against our morals–had a specific use–to lead us to fix what we could and to do better next time. I had been holding on to guilt, believing that I had to or I was an even worse person than I thought. It’s so freeing to know that guilt serves a purpose, and it’s not to make our lives miserable. It’s to help us live better lives.
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I’m with you Jodi!
Stanley, It is about time! xoJ
Hi Jodi,
I really like how you make the distinction here between simple natural guilt – which basically just says, “That didn’t feel too good. Let’s not do that again!” – and the artificial guilt that our minds are so good at perpetuating. The second kind has definitely generated a lot of needless suffering in our world.
Seth Mullins recently posted..That Deep Breath Before the Plunge
Seth,
I think it is just from listening to stories over and over as a counselor. I also relate it to fear. Fear biologically is just to take action. I write about this often!
xoJ
I didn’t invite guilt to live with me. It is an unwelcome intruder that has been in my life from the time I was a child. It is tricky & sneaky & taught me to feel guilty all the time.
I can understand guilt in the present by doing, or not doing, something. Parents have a lot of guilt about decisions they make regarding their children.
The guilt I am talking about is due to abuse & neglect & getting rid of it will be a life-long struggle. If I sound hopeless, it is because I am. I long to feel joy, but I don’t think I will ever see it. Trying to get rid of this unwelcome intruder is exhausting & I am tired.
Mary,
It doesn’t have to be life long struggle. You did nothing wrong. You did not deserve what happened to you. If you truly believe that-which is a decision-you can let go of guilt. And you must to feel better.
You chose guilt, and if so, ask yourself why?
Love you!!!
xoJ
Guilt, a fascinating topic, and one that has been on my mind. Here is something I just wrote about guilt yesterday–”Guilt is a central concept in Western culture. I think it starts with the idea of original sin, a peculiar Christian belief (not all Christians share it) that we are born in sin thanks to Adam and Eve. It pervades not only theology but other areas as well. A criminal defendant is found guilty or not guilty, for example.
A Course in Miracles teaches that guilt of any kind is a function of the ego, resulting from the thought of separation, and causing fear.
We can, at any moment, choose instead to align our thoughts with God. Indeed, we do choose every moment – God or ego. And since the only thoughts that are real are the ones we think with God, the choice we are making every moment is between truth and illusion.”
Galen Pearl recently posted..The Only Gold Medals That Matter
Galen,
We are of one mind, but you already knew that!
XoJ
I love that quote! I feel guilt over things that happened forever ago – ridiculous. I’m sure the people who I worry I hurt probably don’t even remember my actions.
Bridget recently posted..When Soccer Takes Over
Bridget,
I am more than sure they don’t!
XoJ
The following statement says much in a few words, Jodi: “It is hard to see our own light if guilt is in our way.” So very true, but so hard to internalize. I love how my granddaughters just say, “Sorry,” and move on. Lesson? Whenever I make a mistake, I need to say, “Sorry,” MEAN IT, learn from it, and move on. Thanks for a great post.
Margaret Duarte recently posted..Building Bridges through Spiritual Networking
Margaret,
Most people use excuses that they don’t know how to stop them from moving on. It is my mission to help people overcome this obstacle that is just a matter of choice!
XoJ
Mistakes are not done with any intention or purpose, they just happen and if they were done with any kind of intention or purpose then they wouldn’t be called as mistake.
One should not feel bad or guilty of any kind mistake or anything he/she has done in life. In fact they should learn from that and try to move ahead.
Nishant,
I agree! Too many people think ‘I should have known better.’ But it’s the mistake that helps us learn and we usually have opportunities again. Either the same one or in a different form. It’s never too late.:) Thanks for the comment! XoJ
Well said!! We are human, and therefore flawed, which in my opinion, is what makes us beautiful, but also vulnerable. We are too harsh on ourselves, far too judgmental, and of course carry around past ‘mistakes and sins’, and the guilt associated with whatever we think we did. ICK! It’s not productive. I agree and I’m with you, let’s kick it to the curb and live free.
brenda recently posted..A Writer Writes
Free and happy! That’s exactly what we’d be if we stopped attacking ourselves! Thanks Brenda! XoJ
I’m with you (as always) Sweet Wise Jodi. Xxx
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We are ONE! XoJ
It is so hard for me to judge others, but so easy to judge myself. Anytime i feel ready, my reactions remind me that I was not. I remember how upset I use to feel when less than a year ago, someone would tell me if you wanted to leave, you would. now I understand since I did leave and i could, but it’s harder to believe I’m not hurting others when they say I am.
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HI Jodi,
At times we feel guilt conscious and that is the time for introspection. Judgmental is case to case basis and I think we should move on in life. Live and let others live.
Thanks for this share Jodi.
Sapna
sapna recently posted..Are you an Optimistic or Pessimistic blogger(Cartoon-graphics)
I am totally into living and let others live. Unless they are hurting others, then, it gets complicated. Love them, not what they do, I guess.
Thanks for coming by!
Jodi
I believe it give a peace of mine to see that there are many types of guilts, althought they may be perceived as the same thing, or even blend together in our emotion.
One thing is having damaged conscience, which we all have. Another thing is that we do not see our guilt, at least not all of it.
Then there is the actual guilt for things we have done.
Then the self-nagging, because of our ability of being addicted to punish ourselves for the wrongs of the past.
Then there is guilt others have laid on us wrongly, but we believe it as a lie.
Then there are the numerous strategies on guilt which are thrown at us from every angle from outside and within. And then adding guilt from past and from religion.
And then guilt is really the worst motivator of everything, and lastly guilt never equals God.
*And then guilt is really the worst motivator of everything, and lastly guilt never equals God.*
You got it! Djhalleu!