Why do people need a personal invitation to heal?
“Moved by the force of love fragments of the world, we seek out one another so that a world may be.”
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Most of us have experiences of other people’s words of anger, abuse or dismissiveness. When this happens, it is hard not to see the world through this. As I explained in Thursday’s post Speak From The Heart , we often use these treatments as a way to define ourselves. We don’t let go because we think the other person doesn’t deserve it.
And so we need an invitation to step out of it. An invitation to heal.
Often therapy functions as that. It is hope because it remind the person his or her worth. That they are worth changing the story.
Some people were distracted by Thursday’s post, urging this man to leave this woman. And I am afraid it was my mistake. I was trying to say too much in a short post, intertwining several messages. And I decidedly left out the context of his mistrust. (What his girlfriend did that caused it in the first place.)
Trust and worry does have a context, but remember it is the meaning we make out of that context that makes the difference. In other words, the same context can be read in different ways. If what she did warranted the extend of his worry, I would not have supported him being available to that, and staying with her. Our ego will always have an excuse not to change. His worry made mountains out of molehills. That may be my bias, but I took that opinion from answers he gave me about how big of a deal it was. (It wasn’t. He knew it.)
But leaving out what she “did” was distracting. I know. It let our imaginations take over, and perhaps readers went to their own stories of life. Either judging themselves for leaving someone who they “shouldn’t” have or worried that this man would suffer the same fate they have for NOT leaving soon enough. There will always be excuses to stay and always be excuses to leave to wade through.
By the way, I would never advocate for people to stay in an abusive or degrading situation. But in Thursday’s post- right in the middle of his story, I became distracted by forgiveness and attempted to include a response to a reader’s question about forgiveness in another context. It made his girlfriend’s behavior sound worse than it was. On the record, those comments about the “something horrible” were a departure from this couple’s story.
“‘God’ loves the dating game, for no other aspect of our behavior is so complex, so subtle, or so pervasive.”
Conflict is exciting, it captures our attention. In fact, it is an important element to good writing. Conflict is the wall we come up against, that invites us to make a change. It can help us to grow and evolve, or it can be our excuse to stay stuck. I like to see conflict as an invitation. The sooner we say yes to that invitation, the sooner the conflict dissolves since we don’t need it anymore. We can move on to the fruits of our growth. Get the party started. Live from the heart.
Fortunately, I think we will soon evolve past needing conflict. We will see the “wall”, know it is an illusion and make the change without suffering. Wouldn’t that be great to have the growth benefits of a hard time, but not the suffering? Soon. For now: here is your invitation to heal.
Personal Invitation to Heal
You are cordially invited to heal from past and present hurts.
You are invited to let go of worries, because you now know that you can handle whatever comes your way. The risks of “going for it” is that you have an experience you can grow from. You can gain confidence at your skills in managing yourself. You can be proud of your response.
You are respectfully invited to connect with people. See relationships and situations from the big picture where things are not so personal, and not as “against you” as you thought. You see that everyone is going through their own stuff.
You are invited to stop taking yourself so seriously. Ease up. Relax.
I invite you to breathe easy since no matter what situation you are in, you are not alone.
I invite you to have more fun, more silliness, more love.
Humans have at least 18 distinct types of smiles. I invite you to use one.
I invite you to share.